“So you did leave the room. When did you leave and what did you see?”
Yes, I left the room. It was for a smoke break. I believe I left at around 19:45, maybe a little after. I honestly didn’t see much – Bitey, Bear, and Ferdie were both still gone at that time – and I was so stressed that honestly I don’t think I would have noticed much anyway. I returned about 20 minutes later. I… did leave the room a second time if that helps at all. At around 20 past 8 I went to go get an ice cream - I’m always a sucker for sweets when I’m stressed – and I found this key. Just by the vending machines. It’s certainly not one of mine. Odd isn’t it? And that isn’t the only odd thing. Because when I ordered my usual ice cream (Ben and Jerry’s is simply divine) I reached down to grab it only to find another ice cream sitting in the tray. The feast, you see? Sitting there, starting to melt. Isn’t that the sort of detail you detectives find just so intriguing? Anyway, I came back into the room five minutes later. The damned thing kept declining my card! Tch.
"Do you know of any reason at all why you, or another suspect may have committed the murder?"
I have absolutely no reason to have murdered my sweet Ferdie! If you ask me, all the others have a motive! I imagine you’ve heard most rumors be confirmed by now so I’ll spell it out for you: Ferdie has been having an affair. Ferdie also recently changed his will. Do you see where I’m going with this? Enough reason for even a stranger to want Ferdie dead. And don’t think me the jilted lover in all this. I’m a strong and independent parrot. I’ve been cheated on before and I will be again. But all of the others… I’m not so sure.
“And what about Turnip von Dougsoc Ferdinandson?”
She… she can’t have. She’s a good boy. Sure our relationship has been a little strained, but that’s just how it is when someone new enters the family! But I’m sure all that resentment was towards me, not his father. I’ve tried my best to be good to him, to make everything okay. I can’t think why Turnip would have a reason to do something like this – let alone the ability or opportunity! No, she can’t have done it.
"Could you tell us about any other comings and goings from D/L/036?"
I’m sure I don’t know anything about anybody else’s business. Except… Turnip wasn’t in the room when I came back from my cigarette. He got back about 8 minutes after I did – I checked the clock. That’s all I have to say, really.