“Who are you and how do you know the victim?”
I’m Turnip von Dougsoc Ferdinandson… Yeesh, I always hate saying my name out loud. Sounds so pretentious. Um, but yeah my Daddy was the victim, I guess. Another thing that feels weird saying out loud. Guess it really hasn’t sunk in yet. Sorry…
“So what do you know about the other suspects?”
Well, Ferdinand’s my Dad, Polly’s his current partner, Bitey meets, or I suppose, met him weekly for their games of competitive solitaire, Bear Daddy’s just his shrimp guy, you know, and I have no idea who that creepy skull is.”
“What were you doing at the time of the murder?”
At the time of the murder… I guess I was in here? Not much else I could be doing.
“Did you leave the room at all between 19:30 and 20:30 on Tuesday 7th February?”
I went to get ice cream! I wasn’t gone for long – the machine doesn’t take long as long as you know what you’re doing. And it’s loud! Other people should have heard me, I think. I guess some other people left as well, but I wasn’t really paying attention. Grownups are all kind of boring. You have to be really polite all the time otherwise they get mad. But that’s funny, because someone in here is a thief!
“A… thief?”
Right! A thief! Someone stole my keys! They have my special keyring on them and everything! I’m really mad about it – I bet it was Polly. She stole my Daddy and now my keys-! (abruptly, as if it’s just occurred to him: ) And then I lost my keys and now my Daddy. And he’s not coming back, just like Mummy…I really should have appreciated tonight a little more, huh? Sorry, can we stop now? I just… need some time.