“Who are you and how do you know the victim?”
Me, I am Eevil MacKill, most elegant traveller and international hitperson extraordinaire! Truth be told, I know nothing of our poor late host, aside from my dear Bitey’s regular solitaire games with them. I had a lull in commissions, so when my dear Bitey invited me to come along I could not say no. I do try to support Bitey’s other relationships and endeavours, and- (Eevil stops abruptly) …I see the look on your face. Although death is my profession I have nothing to do with this murder. I am not some sloppy, wanton murderer. I, at the very least, know how to clean up after myself. This was not my work.
Okay… So what do you know about the other suspects?
All I know of the other guests is what I learned tonight. Mr von Dougsoc certainly has, had, an interesting network of friends. Mr von Dougsoc Ferdinandson is pleasant enough, although perhaps a bit saccharine. Putting too much sugar in bitter coffee will not help the flavour, if you catch my drift. Mr Daddy has quite the personality. I realised halfway through the night that this was the same Mr Daddy my dear Bitey has referenced in relation to their own work. This is a small world, to be sure. Speaking of which, McGraw. A typical high-society lady, I’ve seen many of them in my line of work. However, I happened to find that she’s part of my own little world. Do with that information what you will. As for my dear Bitey… I do not believe they are responsible. I cannot. They are a good person and my dearest companion. Others may have told you about an argument that took place, but that to me seemed like an argument between two headstrong gentlemen. Nothing more. But, to be honest, I think any of them could have done it.
“What were you doing at the time of the murder?”
At the time of the murder I was in this room with my dear Bitey. There were a few people missing from our little group at the time but I couldn’t tell you exactly who. Mr Daddy's voice is loud and quite unmistakable, so I’m sure he was in the room and could confirm my alibi.
“Did you leave the room at all between 19:30 and 20:30 on Tuesday 7th February?"
I did. I left to go to the lavatory. I’m sure others can testify to that. I was in the room at the time of the murder and only left the room after the deed had been done. I have an alibi. Don’t I?
“….if you say so. Anything else to say?”
If you need any further proof of my innocence, I was not able to bring any of my… tools… to this little soiree. Travelling with such items is not the done thing, you understand. So to keep me occupied I brought my… other hobby… with me. You may find the necessary tools where I was sitting. Don’t. Touch. Them.